When You Don't Feel Like Showing Up
You know those days when you just don’t wanna. Like no matter what it is? I’m having one of those days. I had planned to write about something else, but I just didn’t feel like it would be authentic. Instead, I’m going to write freely, so if you’re up for the ride, read on.
I’m typically a very productive, motivated person. Especially when Michael is at the fire hall. Those are my intense workdays, so that I can hang out with him more when he’s home. But here I am, on a Sunday afternoon with a nagging headache and to do list only halfway done. I know that when these days come around, there’s something going on mentally that I need to deal with.
I used to handle this type of situation with negative self talk and emotional avoidance. I would tell myself, “Stop whining and just do what you need to do" or “You’re wasting time thinking about this, get to work”. But really, what I needed to do was address the feelings I was having so that I could show up as my best self. So here are some things that I now try to do when this “I don’t wanna” mood comes around.
Don’t judge. This is suuuuuper hard if you’re a Four Tendencies Upholder like me, which means you usually have no problem adhering to outer or inner expectations. (Don’t know your tendency? Take the quiz here and tell me what you get!) I used to have this sense of guilt about not being able to complete my to do list. But that didn’t help anything. I need to be objective about the situation and show myself grace so that I can do number 2.
Observe how I’m feeling. This is not a fun one, but if I’m coming from a place of self compassion, I know it’s going to benefit me in the long run. So what I do is try to acknowledge what I’m feeling, and tell myself that it’s okay to feel this way, but that my feelings don’t control me. Just sitting in the discomfort is really hard for me to do. But it’s super necessary, because I can then take these feelings and do number 3.
Decide what I need. Once I know how I’m feeling, I try to figure out what will fill that need or feeling that I’m having. Am I craving connection with someone? Am I emotionally exhausted? Do I need to rest? Or watch Netflix? Or call my mom? Sometimes the answer may be to do nothing, and just hold space. Whatever it is, it’s important that I do it, because chances are, I’ll feel better afterwards.
Don’t force it. It doesn’t do any good when I try to force something I’m not feeling. If I had tried to write what I had originally planned on today, it would’ve been fake, and that’s now what I’m about. Obviously if you’re at work or have kids, you can’t just take the day off. But you can show yourself grace for what you’re feeling, and try to fulfill whatever need it is that you have when you do have the time. For example, don’t make yourself run 5 miles if what you need is a nap. Don’t try to cook a Giada meal if you can order take out and preserve some sanity. Don’t force what isn’t necessary.
Show up as best you can. This may seem contradictory to the last point. But there’s a difference. You can’t force creativity or connection, and I’m not suggesting you should be inauthentic. Just show up in whatever way you can. And instead of pretending everything’s perfect, be transparent and let others join you where you’re at. Your imperfections show your humanity and make you relatable. And contrary to popular belief, people actually like seeing that side of you. Right now, I’m showing up by sticking to my commitment to writing once a week, but it looks a little bit different than it usually does. And that’s okay.
The bottom line is this: show yourself grace.
You’re a human. And humans have off days.
That’s all I’ve got for you today. Short, sweet, and real. I hope these steps can help you when you just don’t wanna.
How do you respond when you don’t feel like showing up?